Lately, I haven’t heard much from the talking heads about global warming. It wasn’t even a top issue in the Presidential debates. Did the scandal exposed on LiveLeak.com temporarily shy pundits and politicians away from this topic? Never fear, they will again swarm. 

When global warming regains the spotlight, look for the buzz word geoengineering. Wikipedia defines geoengineering as “the deliberate large scale intervention in the Earth’s climate system, in order to moderate global warming.”
Lots of scientists, engineers, corporations and entrepreneurs have been exploring ways to hack our planet for a profit. Lord help us if any of these hair-brained ideas get funding:

Ocean Spraying

Description: Using ships to seed clouds with a spray of salty ocean water.
Fatal Flaw: The sky is a big place. How many ships would it take to spray enough water into the air to save the world? How much would it cost? Probably just enough to raise Halliburton’s stock price a few dollars.

Industrial Air Filters
Description: Using giant filters to capture all the carbon dioxide from our polluted urban centers, then bury it deep underground.  
Fatal Flaw: My air conditioning filter is dirty after a month and those damn things cost $15.00. How much would city-scale air filters cost? Probably just enough to raise Halliburton’s stock price a few dollars.
Aerosols


Description: Spraying aerosols in the atmosphere to reflect sunlight back into space. These aerosols can be deployed by aircraft, rockets, balloons.
Fatal Flaw: This bright idea originated from scientists observing the atmospheric cooling effects of major volcanic eruptions.  What happens if we pursue this and subsequently experience a major volcanic eruption? Answer: Ice age.  How much would this cost? Probably just enough to raise Halliburton’s stock price a few dollars.

Space Reflectors

Description: Launch fleets of satellites with solar reflecting panels.   

Fatal Flaw: In our current state of technology, it requires an act of congress and a billion dollars to provide the space station a wrench. How much would this cost? Probably just enough to raise Halliburton’s stock price a few dollars.

Artificial Erosion

Description: Speed up natural erosion processes to expose more silicate-based rocks that absorb carbine dioxide.  

Fatal Flaw: This theory suggests we should strip mine our whole planet so it acts as a giant litter box. Wouldn’t destroying vegetation raise temperatures?

Desert Panel Farms

Description: Covering the deserts with reflective polyethylene-aluminum surfaces to boost their natural  reflective properties.

Fatal Flaw: When we get desperate enough to litter our deserts with foil, just shoot me.

Ocean Fertilization

Description: Fertilizing the oceans with iron shavings to create CO2 absorbing algae blooms.

Fatal flaw: We’ll find out. It’s going on right now. Don’t show me a seafood menu for a decade.