At long last, scientists have combined smartphone and E. coli scanning technologies. This gadget transforms your phone into a florescent microscope which illuminates this dangerous bacteria’s protein strands.

In short, these UCLA-based scientists are arming us with portable food poison detectors. To what end you may ask? See beyond guilt ridden mommies saving their kid’s lives by scanning happy meals. Think bigger. What am I talking about? That’s right, free food. With this little gizmo you’ll never pay for a meal again.

Follow these steps:

1. Enter an expensive restaurant and gorge yourself with steak and lobster.

2. After your Roman feast, sit around and drink several bottles of vintage wine.

3. Politely refuse your waiter’s attempts to remove your leftover food.

4. After the lobster begins to smell like a discount tropical fish store, ask for the owner (manager will do in a pinch).

5. Scan your leftovers and attach the image to an email titled “Channel 2 News” Attention: Muckraking Department. cc the local health department.

6. Show email to owner/manager while displaying a nauseous look. To help add realism to your nausea routine, Google “celebrity plastic surgery fails“. Sneak peek:

7. Repeat process. Different night. Different restaurant.